Perhaps you met someone special on Valentine’s Day and don’t know the next step or want to avoid the dating horror stories circulating the internet; it seems there’s plenty of different of opinions when it comes to determining who should pay for a date. Here are some things to consider:

Don’t bank on gender stereotypes

The men-pay-for-dates tradition originated in the Victorian era when women made a lot less money than men (if they were even allowed to take part in paid employment). Thankfully times have changes and women are now more financially independent.

In fact, women’s workforce participation is at a record high* and 40 per cent of 25 – 29 year old women now have a bachelor’s degree (compared to 30 per cent of men)^.  

No matter your gender or sexuality, assuming traditional stereotypes will determine how your date is paid is, at best, risky and at worse, outdated.

Everyone has different “rules”

There’s no rule book when it comes to dating so there’s plenty of different approaches. For example, in some circles, whoever initiatives the date should pay, for others it should be a 50/50 split each and every time. Whatever your view is, make your intention clear in a polite way and if you want to save yourself getting in an awkward situation, we suggest only accepting dates you can afford to pay your own way if things don’t work out as you planned.  

Can’t pay? Delay 

Can’t afford to eat at the hottest restaurant in Melbourne? Be upfront when you set up the date and suggest heading somewhere else.  

You don’t need to share all the gory details about your failed budgeting plan, but simply provide a more affordable alternative or re-schedule the date for when you’ll have the money to pay your way.  Avoid the awkward situation of “no split bills” by taking cash. 

It’s all about comfort levels

It can feel nice to be treated to dinner or offer to pay for your date, but don’t expect your new date to have the same ideas of who should foot the bill.

For example, if your date is really keen to pay, you could accept and offer to pay the next time. The key is only accepting what you’re comfortable with and never going in with the expectation that someone else will be paying.

It’s also worth remembering that just because the bill was settled one-way the first time, doesn’t mean it will be the same for the next date. 

How to raise paying the bill

Here are a few easy ways to talk about paying the bill:

Going Dutch:  Let’s just split the bill down the middle, are you comfortable with that? 
You invite, you pay: I’d like to invite you to the movies, my shout
Taking turns: Thanks for getting this one, I’ll get the next one!
Splitting costs: Sure, you get the movie, but I’ll pay for dinner afterwards

*ASIC Money Smart 

^ ASIC Money Smart